Batteries (Not) Included

Observations:
Few animals are more destructive than a bored Labrador…except maybe a bored Labrador with extensive training as a Service Dog. Lately, Traz is picking up anything he can get his muzzle on. This all started with pillows, then progressed to towels, then blankets, then couch cushions; he will pick up anything soft and carry it around. Last week, however, Traz took up an interest in electronics.

While Cindy was getting ready for work, Traz helped himself to the DVD remote control that was sitting on the end table. Since Traz is a team player, he naturally brought the remote over to Embry, who never misses an opportunity to chew on something. All the way upstairs, Cindy heard the crunching of Labrador teeth on plastic, at which point she ran downstairs to find Embry in the dog bed, feverishly chomping away at the remote. All of the remote controls were moved to higher ground, the appropriate amount of scolding took place, Labradors were placed in Dog Jail, and Cindy went off to work…situation normal. That is, until later that day when we both realized there were no longer batteries in the remote.

For those of you wondering just how toxic AAA batteries are to dogs, the answer is…I don’t really know. There is a surprisingly small amount of information provided by The Google, other than links to discussion boards filled with people asking the same question. Most small-cell batteries are composed of zinc and are non-acidic (remember: they are alkaline). When ingested, the metal shards pose a greater threat than the chemicals. BUT, you do have to worry about things like the number of batteries eaten by the dog, whether or not they are passing through versus getting lodged somewhere in the digestive tract, if they are the “copper top” (copper is highly corrosive in the stomach), etc. Thankfully, we have a wonderful relationship with our vet, so we erred on the side of caution and took them all in for x-rays.

The result? No batteries in any of them. Traz and Embry both had diarrhea with traces of blood, however, so they were put on Carafate (which is the standard treatment for dogs who have eaten batteries; it coats the stomach), and Traz was put on Tagamet to counter-act the acid. I spent the next two days diligently searching through their piles in the backyard in search of battery parts. Yes, I know… I have all the fun.

On Saturday, I once again went on the battery hunt, retracing our previous search and leaving no pile of dog hair unturned. I found the batteries under the stove. They were all the way against the wall, behind an embarrassingly large pile of dog hair, and underneath a baking pan that had fallen out of the drawer…which is why we didn’t see them the first time we looked. Batteries retrieved, tumbleweeds of hair vacuumed, dogs switched to Metronidozal to clear up diarrhea, money transferred into checking account to satisfy large, unexpected vet bill, peace and relative order restored to the household.

That is, until Embry started barking at Traz like a hyena hopped up on happy dust…

Number of Days Without an Accident: Zero

Today, I'm Bleeding From: The back of my wrist

Today’s Haiku:
I like to eat sticks.
I also like to eat mulch.
Oh, look! I just peed.


Current Interests:
I’ve noticed a recurring pattern in these writings; everything seems to be about peeing, pooping, throwing up, and/or biting. I guess I need to come up with something new to talk about, such as the long-term effects of the bail-out packages on our socio-economic infrastructure. Or, perhaps a well-referenced dissertation on the importance of affordable health care in the United States. I’ve also pondered the impact of our continued outsourcing of American products and services to the point where we’ve all but become consumers versus producers, and I’m creating data models as to what our country’s GNP will look like in the year 2015. There are lots of relevant, idealistic topics that peak my interest. But, hey – I’m just a dog. I like to sniff butts and eat dirt.

I also really like teeth…though I think I may have mentioned that a few times already.

The Other Dogs are Currently:
Darcy............ “I’m so over this whole puppy thing.”
Sophie........... “If you come near my food, you will become my food.”
Tank Man....... “Good luck catching me, short stuff.”
Traz.............. “Whoa! What’s with you latching onto my tail?! Not cool!”