March Madness

Observations:
The warmer weather is always an interesting time with our dogs. Depending on the dog, they want to be outside so they can:
a) sniff every square inch of the yard in search of something she may have missed yesterday
b) dig holes
c) pick up sticks, then run by and stab you in the leg with them
d) play fetch with the woobie
e) lie in the sun like an alligator

On the plus side, all this time outdoors is helping wear Embry out. In turn, she no longer barks and cries at 5:00 in the morning. Lately, I’ve been able to sleep in until she starts screaming at 5:30. Hey, we take the small victories as we get them!

Embry is back on antibiotics due to another UTI. This time, it’s the old standby: Cephalexin. With this being her third bout with a UTI, we were obviously concerned, but our vet assured us this is not uncommon with female puppies during housebreaking. Now if only her puppy teeth would fall out…

Our little porkletta is up to 25 pounds and now eats like a Labrador. It always impresses me how something that little can suck down a cup and a half of food in about two minutes. By the time I have the food ready for the other dogs, she is sitting in her crate, staring at me, as if saying, “Ok…now what? Where’s the rest of it?!” She is starving.

Not much else to report from Embry’s world. Still waiting to get past the bitter chocolate and start enjoying the sweet part…

Number of Days Without an Accident: Zero

Today, I'm Bleeding From: Two of my fingers.

Today’s Haiku:
Please let me inside.
I want to pee in the house
Not out where I play!

Current Interests:
My owners are really starting to aggravate me with these steps. I don’t mind going up the steps, but I’m not coordinated enough to navigate down them. This little game they keep playing where they set me down on the steps so they can hear me bark in frustration is humiliating. I don’t see where they get so much amusement from my struggles, but they stand there and laugh while I screech like a howler monkey. But I’ll have my revenge…typically in the hardest-to-reach corners of the carpet.

I’ve also discovered the potency of my LabraGas. This newfound superpower is effective at distances of over five feet, and is thick enough to deserve its own Crayola crayon color. When one of the neighbor girls was over to visit, I unleashed just a small, inaudible pocket of perfumatory unpleasantness, yet it was enough to stop her in mid-sentence and send her running into the other room in the midst of olfactive irritation. I have to remember that one…I’m sure it will come in handy some day.

I also really like teeth. Teeth can be used to pull things off the couch, such as pillows, blankets and my dad’s fingers. Teeth can also be used to tenderize various body parts, such as hands, forearms, noses, ears, ankles, toes (LOVE toes!), feet, and…well…whatever else I can get them into. I like teeth. I think I shall use them even more often.

The Other Dogs are Currently:
Darcy........ "Is it grown up yet?! How about now? Now?!"
Sophie....... "You’ve obviously mistaken my indifference for acceptance. WRONG!"
Tank Man... *ahhh* "I love my dog beds…"
Traz.......... "This is how you dig a hole: right paw, left paw…repeat. Got it?"

Rabbit Poop

Observations:
On Wednesday, the youngest of the neighbor girls came over to play with Embry as I was hosing out the crate in the driveway.
“Can I play with the dogs since they are outside?”
"Ummmm...”, I said hesitantly. “You might want to come back a little later, after Embry has a bath."
“Is she dirty?”
“Yes…she is dirty.”

At that point, she walked over to the fence and looked at Embry.
“Did Embry roll in the mud?”
“Ummm…Yes. Yes, she did. That's exactly what it is. Embry rolled in the mud...which is why she needs a bath.”

At some point during the afternoon, Embry pooped in her crate. While it may not have been an overly sizable deposit, it became considerably larger after she jumped and rolled around in it. When she gets very excited, she jumps up and down in her crate, frequently to the point of losing her balance and falling. And when there is poop in the crate— well, you get the idea. Needless to describe any further, our chocolate puppy was extra chocolate-covered.

Kelsey was slightly older when she did the same thing, but the result (and, for that matter, the towel we used) were the same. When Kelsey did it, we were on our way to pick up some tickets from our friend Hugh, trying to get there before he closed up for the day. I tossed Kelsey in the back of the truck, rolled down the windows, and sped downtown. Once there, Hugh wanted to see the “cute, new puppy”. I apparently had a momentary memory lapse, as I forgot Kelsey was covered in poop…until I got her out of the truck and she immediately leapt onto Hugh, leaving two little, brown pawprints on his pants. To his credit, Hugh’s only response was, “She is so cute…but I think she needs a bath.” Sorry, man!

The other notable event this week involved the dogs dismembering a yummy, fluffy bunny. No, not a toy bunny or a Playboy bunny; an actual, wild, previously fur-covered bunny…that was stupid enough to build a nest inside the fenced-in yard. If I were a marginally intelligent bunny, I would have built my nest under the shed, or perhaps not in the yard inhabited by several dogs. And if I was a fearless, yet dim-witted bunny inclined to take up residence within said yard, I certainly would not dig a hole out in the open, underneath the pine tree, in the high-traffic area just outside the door. Alas, Natural Selection took its course. By the time we discovered the rabbit-resembling remnants, all we found were a few tufts of fur and the afore-mentioned hole beneath the tree. This does not bode well for a Happy Easter this year.

Number of Days Without an Accident: Zero

Today, I'm Bleeding From: My forearm(s).

Embry's Haiku of the Day:
‘lo, I shall pee here.
The carpet is as good as
Any other place.

Current Interests:
I really like this yard! The yard is full of interesting things to eat, such as sticks, leaves, grass, bulbs, mulch, and – every once in awhile – fresh rabbit. Every day is like my first time adventuring in unknown territory. Granted, I still do not like the bothersome steps I have to navigate in order to get into the yard, but somebody will carry me down there if I bark and get upset enough.

Once I’m in the yard, watch out: I can run with the big dogs! It’s not a fair race because their legs are three times as long as mine, but I’ll hold my own soon enough. I just throw my ears back, hold my head up, and run as fast and as hard as my little legs will take me. I actually ran too fast the other day and went tumbling over myself, but luckily nobody saw that… I like the yard. I think I will explore it more often.

I also really like teeth. Teeth can be used to drag the blanket out of my crate. Teeth can also be used to remove skin from body parts. And to tenderize both humans and animals. And to hold things in my mouth, such as shirts, pants, socks, and shoestrings. And pajama bottoms (LOVE pajama bottoms). And paper towels. And other dogs. And little children. I like teeth. I think I shall use them even more often.

Come to think of it, I think I like to pee even more than I like teeth. The amount of pee I can generate per capita is really quite impressive. I can be outside for an hour, peeing every ten minutes, then come inside and pee on the carpet. I can go outside, pee, come right back in, and pee again. I can be asleep in my crate for hours, then walk out and pee. I can pee, walk around the corner into the kitchen, and pee some more. Then, as someone is cleaning up that mess, I can pee some more, preferably in the most difficult to reach corner of the family room. I like pee. I think I shall brew some more often.

The Other Dogs are Currently:
Darcy............ “Thou shalt not attempt to bite the hair on my ears.”
Sophie........... “Thou shalt not exist to me.”
Tank Man....... “Thou shalt not touch my woobie, for it is MY woobie.”
Traz.............. “Thou shall be flung when thine teeth latch upon thee.”

Holy Sit!

Observations:
For whatever reason, I assumed Embry would be housebroken before learning basic obedience commands. As it turns out, while we are nowhere near not peeing in the house, Embry now consistently sits on command. This is one good thing coming out of her being back on antibiotics for a mild infection: we took the opportunity to work with the Pill Pockets (which she loves) and turned it into training. After only two days, she had it down and sits when asked. Granted, this will all change when she gets a little older and starts deciding on her own when she feels like sitting, but we are enjoying it while it lasts.

The housebreaking, unfortunately, is still non-existent. No matter how long Embry is outside, she comes in the house and pees. Why? Because she can. And I think because she likes to. She is good at it. She has an unfathomable urine reserve. She can pee in the family room, then in the kitchen, then in Traz’s crate (which is still her toilette de choix). Maybe she pees like this because she is actually creating some sort of interstellar, astrological constellation; each puddle representing a point which when connected creates a galactic hieroglyphic. Perhaps tonight she used the carpet to create her representation of Canis Minor (or, judging by the number and sizes of the puddles, make that Canis Major), and the large pile of crap was her rather unflattering depiction of Sirius. Maybe if I had taken a few minutes to connect the lines between Embry’s deposits on the kitchen floor, I would have been left with an artistically abstract version of Leo Minor; a felonious aspiration from her still-burgeoning subconscious. And because we humans can not possibly comprehend the infinite intelligence of a Labrador Retriever, these intricate, complicated visions are beyond our ineffectual comprehension. Surely these pee-produced puppy pictorials must represent Embry’s higher intelligence and sophisticated mentality…right? Or, it could just be that she is obsessed with the water bowl and has a bladder the size of a walnut.

Number of Days Without an Accident: Zero

Today, I'm Bleeding From: Both thumbs.

Number of New Holes in the Chair Fabric: 16


Current Interests:
Today, I shall write a haiku…

It is fun to pee.
I like when you step in it,
Hopefully barefoot.

Peeing is fun. I’ve learned how to strategically place my puddles for maximum inconvenience of cleanup. Last night, for instance, I peed down the register. Now, every time the furnace kicks on, it’s like a breath of fresh air…from behind a port-a-let. I’ve also managed to pee under the chairs, on the rug under the water bowl, in the corner against the wall; I’m enjoying this newfound challenge. My favorite part is the bemused looks on my owner’s faces when they step in the wet spots.

I also really like teeth. Teeth can be used to chew holes in the sleeves of sweatshirts. And the hoods of sweatshirts. And to latch onto the zippers of sweatshirts. And thumbs (LOVE thumbs). And Traz’s collar. And socks. And the wide variety of vegetation available outside: grass, leaves, sticks, plants, shrubs, branches, pinecones, mulch – it’s like every place I look there is something new to cut my teeth on. I like teeth. I think I shall use them even more often.

The Other Dogs are Currently:
Darcy............"Hey, do I smell pizza?! Do I get pizza? I like pizza! Yay, pizza!"
Sophie..........."Mere humans have not yet begun to feel the wrath of my gas."
Tank Man......."Oops, I stepped on it again. Accidentally. Honest. Really."
Traz.............."I like humping mommy. Mommy-humping is fun!"